Unmasked

I'd been reading blogs for a few years when I decided to start one of my own. And so, one morning, the first post went up. It was a strange sensation to write, and then click on that orange button that said, "Publish Post". With that click, I was putting my thoughts out to the world. I was giving permission for people to peek into my brain and read my diary. I had no particular desire for anyone to know it was coming from me, and why should they care, anyway? I'm just.....me. I'm not a writer. I'm not well known. I'm just a woman who likes getting stuff off her chest.

I checked my blog later in the day, and noticed that three people had commented. I sat there, utterly amazed. Three people read my blog! The next day, there were a few more. It was a good feeling.

We've all been there, us bloggers. We know that feeling of watching a blog grow and how good it feels to have someone pay attention.

I think most people who maintain blogs are doing it for some of the same reasons I do. They like the idea of a place where a record of our existence is kept - a house with an always open door, where people can check on you, compare notes with you and tell you what they think. Sometimes that house is messy. In real life, we wouldn't invite any passing strangers into these situations, but the remove of the Internet makes it seem ok.

There are no deep secrets revealed in my blog. But because the house is sometimes messy, I'm not comfortable with a real-life person coming inside. Being a nameless mystery feels safe...there is a security to being anonymous, and I did not want to give that up.

Apparently, I wasn't as anonymous as I believed.

I broke what is probably the number one rule of anonymous blogging - change the details. There are a wealth of details you can modify in a story without losing the essence of it, and I probably should have taken those liberties. I didn't. Someone read a post, and guessed who I am.

For one fleeting moment, I thought about closing my blog. I won't do that. But something does change when you become a real person, rather than an anonymous web site. In my real life, I choose which parts of me I want to put on display. I make sure the house is neat and clean before I invite anyone in. I worry about what people think.

As long as my blog was anonymous, I didn't have to do that. I didn't worry that people's perceptions will change based on something they read. I didn't worry about being judged based on my beliefs, my style, my perspectives, or any of a hundred other things that people judge.

I now have a couple of options. Stop caring about what other people think or discontinue the unfiltered honesty.

I won't do either. I'm going to keep blogging. Anonymously. And it may be more difficult to be as open as I'd like, but I still want the freedom to share my thoughts...to have a place where I am always allowed to write about how I feel without sweeping up first.

To my identifier: Thank you for respecting my privacy. Thank you for not judging me based on things you read on my blog...for not predicating your opinion of me on my messy house.

To everyone else, I will remain,

Yours always,

Mystery Woman